I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
