she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
