it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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