Don't make out with my wife yet
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize