I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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