i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
