found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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