people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry my hands just texted you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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