In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My vagina is officially offended.
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