VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
