the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize