I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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