maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
