but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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