I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I want a musical about memes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
