3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
we're so committed to being not committed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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