guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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