Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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