I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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