Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
