How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
