We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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