so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
