If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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