what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
