Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
