I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
