took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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