It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
