OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
