Got a toothbrush?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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