I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
