ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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