Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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