I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
