Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
