genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
