That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
