dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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