My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
