As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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