I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
