Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
