I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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