the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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