The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
