so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
