Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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