This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
