I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
