I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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