I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
