Already got asked if we're dating
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
