please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
