More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
