My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My first STD was from a foam party
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
