In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
