Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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