Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
