I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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