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I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know her cup size but not her name....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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