Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
