I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
