You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
