I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
