Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.