he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
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And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.