When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.