I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke