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• (858): View more from California

  When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

  Fav 19 3627 1108

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is

  Fav 109 13810 2381

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service

  Fav 17 6305 1108

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.

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• (585): View more from New York

  What's the over under on catching something from your sister?

  Fav 21 946 3273

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets

  Fav 7 2100 905

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (916): View more from California

  I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...

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• (619): View more from California

  Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.

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• (510): View more from California

  Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Can I chase this vodka with an onion?

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.

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