Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I skipped work to stalk him.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
